dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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