I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
