For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
