thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
