something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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