remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
