I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
