if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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