I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
