They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
