It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
