I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
