Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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