Nicole vs. Life
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize