Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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