Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
