Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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