the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
