rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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