Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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