Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
