I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
