I cockslap morals
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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