sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
