one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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