it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
