hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
