were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
