He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
