Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
