oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
