you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
