I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
