my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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