also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
