He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
