If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
