I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
