Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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