so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
