uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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