I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
