So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
