; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
