You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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