I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
