Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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