i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
