I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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