I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
