youre lurking in front of me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
