i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I love having hate sex.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
