I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
