is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize