So gin and wine won't be happening again
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
