This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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