So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
