So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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