You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
