My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
