Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
