My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He better not be in your backpack
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
