we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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