I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I puked a lego.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
