I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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