I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
