you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
